On Tuesday
night and Wednesday morning, I happened to talk to 3 different people. They are friends I love and care about. All three of them were unhappy over certain developments
in their lives. In my opinion, at least in two cases, the developments were not
bad or not as bad as my friends were feeling (again that’s my opinion, which
hardly matter). I, being a good listener and a bad conversationalist, listened
to them first and then in my attempt to be a good friend, suppressed my laconic
instinct and tried to console them.
I tried to
convince them, with a plethora of comfortable words that everything in
this world happens for a reason. All three of them, were of the opinion that my
conclusion on the reasons of an event/incident is just to soothe them in their
moment of emotional discomfort. Ironically, I have heard the same advice a
number of times and I also have reacted as my friends did. One of the above friends
asked me (taking his situation in context) “What’s good in it?” Again trying to
be an optimist, I replied “I don’t know now, but few days/months or may be
years later we will know about good in it.
After talking
to each of them, two questions came to my mind. First; “Is it true that, whatever
happens, happen for good?” and second; “Is it bad to have expectations?” (Since
the primary cause of the unhappiness was “expectation” in at least two of the
above three cases).
In the first
case, I believe that what happens happens for a reason. It may be an optimistic
point of view. And it is also obvious that a particular incident in our lives
will always have a connection to what happens next in our lives. (In the word
“incident” I am not including the trivial happenings and incidents of
irreparable damage like death of a close family member). On a counter view
someone may argue, if something else had happened things could have been much
better. This is also true. This may be called a pessimistic point of view. Again
these two points of view are called pessimistic and optimistic, based on the
fact that we are analysing the situations in retrospection, at a point of time,
when we cannot undo the incident which has already happened. Unfortunately, in
this cruel world, there is no place for the word “if”. So, instead of living in
an illusion of “what could have been”, be realistic, positive and make the best
of what life throws at you.
The second
question was “Is it bad to have expectations?” Although, having expectations is
the root of our disappointments, my answer to the question will be a “no”. It
is not bad to have expectations, if the expectation comes with an effort to full
fill it. Wishful thinking and ruining your present, for longing something you cannot
have or missed in your past, is bad. Sometimes, we expect certain things to
happen to us, on which we have no control or our efforts doesn’t influence the
outcomes (unless you believe in the power of prayers, fasting, a coconut, few
petals of flower and an incense stick). In such a scenario, the best things
would be to accept whatever happens and move on. In cases, where your efforts
have a place, try to give your best and accept the results. In both the cases,
once the thing has happened, it becomes a moment in history which you could not
change. But life can be very unfair. Sometimes, it doesn’t give you a chance to
give 100% also (Ask me, I have a latest example from my life!!!).
But, when in
distress, it is difficult to think rational or logical. I could write this
because today I am not in a state of mind my friends are in. One would always
ask, “What good is in for me?” or the more common “Why me?” At certain point of
time all of us have been in similar situations as my friends are in and all of
us have overcome the anxiety. Because, even though as human beings we are emotionally
fragile, but we all have the resilience to prevail over our failures and disappointments.
Every time we go through an emotional upheaval, we come out of it stronger and
are more prepared to take life, head on.
But the
answers to my two questions are debatable and I would love to hear your
opinion.
rabindra
28th Novemebr 2012
Mathura
(To the 3 friends I mentioned earlier: If
ever you read this and after reading you realise that you are one of the three
friends then remember this. Even though I have a fair idea of the importance of
your current disappointment in your life, I am not being judgemental. I can no
way feel the intensity of your emotions. I wrote this just to make an effort to
comfort you and partly me, and to let ourselves know that things will be all
right once again. Also because, at least two of you were there for me when I
needed you few days ago.)
